


this is so sad, alexa...

by kjdsmachine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Light-Hearted, M/M, Twitter, also dates might be messed up sorry, also if ur not multifandom you might not like this sorry, chinguline are twitter stans, don’t read if sensitive to f-slur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-01 07:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjdsmachine/pseuds/kjdsmachine
Summary: in which chinguline are kpop twitter stans, and messy things happen.





	1. introduction

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! welcome to my first fic ever. warning for bad writing bc i suck oof
> 
> basic intros:  
> bbh: @fluffybuttpjms, problematic army and lowkey blink but he’ll never admit it  
> pcy: @seollas, unproblematic gg stan and an angel  
> kjd: @yermhyo, problematic once and reveluv lmaoo  
> dks: @leetmns, unproblematic shawol n covers things
> 
> also sorry if the format is bad!! it’s meant to be read in mobile :-)  
> also idk how to get emojis so yeah my bad

_twinkle toe thots_  

**bob** : who tf changed my username  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : i’m no snitch but i saw baekhyun on ur account yesterday...  
  
**bob** : i need to hurry up and change my password

@fluffybuttpjms i know you’re there i can see youputting stuff on my tl

  
**alexa play DKDK** : @fluffybuttpjms  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : all of you are fucking whores and BLOCKED  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : lmao chanyeol ur so whipped  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : ANYWAYS have you guys streamed song of the year yet  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : omg i cant believe chanyeol is a blink...wig  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : no dumbass i meant DKDK aka dugeun dugeun, sung by the saviors of kpop, fromis_9  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : i thot shinee were the saviors of kpop  
  
**bob** : this guy knows what’s up  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : you guys r literally BEGGING to be blocked  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : this is so sad alexa play #CookieJar  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : shut up that’s an army joke you cant take that from us  
  
**bob** : who r u to stop him tho  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : :(  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : ily kyugnsoo  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : yeah me too  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : nobody asked  
anyways baekhyun when r u gonna change ur name it’s been like a month since bts came back  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : and they’re still charting... WIG  
  
**bob** : doesn’t change the fact that it no longer makes sense  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : whore  
  
**bob** : oops  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : HDJDKSJFHD KYUNGSOO  
  
**bob** : anyways i’m gonna go change my name  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : ok well miss u  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : who the fuck is we  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : baekhyun you should follow in his stead  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : i came here to have a good time and honestly i’m feeling so attacked rn  
  
**taemins toe crust** : thats good  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : kyungsoo what the atcual fuck  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : see if you were me u would’ve changed it too  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : go change your username fag  
  
**the BOYS r BACK** : lmao ok

**alexa play anpanman** : ok is this better  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : there can only be ONE  
  
**#DancetheNightAway** : also you literally picked the worst song on the album... oomf, ur mind...  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : when a whole so what exists.....  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : guys be quiet the more important matter is that our name’s are too similar  
  
**taemins toe crust** : actually i was thinking we could all change our names to match.. like a squad.. u know  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : omg waiy thats actually so smart  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : chanyeol you whore  
n e ways becasue im intellilegent i already went and did that  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : because you’re what  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : shut up whore  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : all of you shut up my phones on 5%  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : THEN WHY R U STILL USIG IT  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : WHO R U T OJUDGE ME  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : hey guys i have a question for u  
what’s ur favorite song on ly:t  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : airplane pt.2  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : then why the fuck...  
for me it’s paradise jimin sunbaenjm went OFF  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : its the outro  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : it sounds cooler that way jongdae  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : cool cool  
just seeing if there were any mutuals i needed to break <3  
mine is 134340 btw  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : omg the emo thot jumped out  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : shut up ANYWAYS  
what about ur favortie somg on the perfect red velvet  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : THE BEST SONG IS ALL RIGHT YOU GUYS JUST HATE BEING HAPPY  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : we didn’t even say anything... but yes it is all right  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : ugh our minds  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : i-i just...  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : oomf...  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : ...  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : friendship ended with baekhyun now kyungsoo is my best friend  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : bitch who said i volunteered as tribute the fuck?  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : YOU LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN PICK A GOOD SONG LIKE ITS NOT BAD HUT ITS DEFINIEYLY NOT ONE OF THE GOOD ONES WHAT THW FUCK  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN NKT A GOOD ONE MISS SEULGI WENT OFF! OOMF NEEDS TO GET HIS EARS CHECKED  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : YEAH MAYBE SHE DID BUT LITERALLY ANY OTHER SONG OFF THE ALBUM....  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : this is why nobody trusts armys  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : lmao you know whats funny  
somebody in my cc asked me why i hate armys and i was just like @/fluffybuttpjms

  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : JDJDUCKSKDJDJDHF OHMVYOD  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : HFCJHCJCJFJFMMCJC THEHHFHFJDKD  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : THATS THE LAST FUCJING STRAW GOOD BYE

 

_alexa play anpanman left_

 

**alexa play AITAI TAI** : are we gonna add him back  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : ofc tf

 

_alexa play anpanman has been added_

 

**alexa play anpanman** : WHORES  
YOU GUYS ADD Me BACK IN HERE JUST TO SLANDER ME N MY BOYS I HATE U ALL  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : why the fuck do u think we included u in the first place  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : HUCJCUCJDJDFJJCJDJD  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : kyungsoo this is why we love u  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : thanks for the love guys uwu  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : .goodbye  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : love u too


	2. #ARMYSelcaDay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insert emojis where necessary uwu
> 
> ok this just in   
> don’t use ASD because it actually stands for autism spectrum disorder !!! i’m not going to change it in te fic because the fic isn’t real but rememeber not to use it as a acronym online!!

_twinkle toe thots_

 

**alexa play AITAI TAI** : GUYS I WAS LISTENING TO BTS WITH MY IRLS AND ONE OF THEM SAID JIMIN SOUNDED KIKE BANANAIS AND AVOICADIS... MY LUNGS

  
**alexa play DKDK** : FUCJCJFKDJFJF HE REALLY DOES OH MY FUCKIGNGNGOD  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : that one part in serendipity..  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : wheres baekhyun do u think he’s ignoring us on purpose.. the NEVRE  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : ILL NEVER LET ANYWKNE SLANDER THE LVOE OF MY LIFE LIKE THST WHAT THE FUCK? WHO THE FUCK IS UR IRL TELL THEM TO MEET ME OUTSIDE THE DENNYS OARKING LOT AT 4 PM  WE NEED TO TALK !!!!  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : who would’ve thought  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : JIMIN DIDNT SAVE KPOP WITH SERENDIPITY AND LIE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS!!!  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : yeah i bet halsey didn’t see that coming at all  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : FCCUFJFKFKDKSKDKDJCJCJ  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : JOGNDAE  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : dam this bitch gets on my fuckin nerves !  
n e ways jongdae i cant believe you’d let ur irl slander the loml like that... i thought u loved me  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : are u going to ignore jongdae slandering jm himself  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : when did i say i loved u  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : :(  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : ok sorry  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : hmm..

  
**alexa play anpanman** : SO GUYS... you know what day it almost is  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : omg i cant wait for july 4  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : no i’m talking about  ASD  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : omg i cant wait for ashawol selca day  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : LMAO KYUNGSOO  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : @seollas back me up here chanyeol  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : read at 4:35pm

  
**alexa play anpanman** : THE NERVE  
anyways. i’ll link my selfie so you guys better like it or i’m breaking the mutual ! <3  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : dam ok  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : sure just make sure ur theme actually matches this time  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : THE THEME MATCHED LAST TIME YOU GUYS JUST DONT HAVE AN ARTISTIC EYE  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : ok oomf

  
**alexa play DKDK** : hey hasnt jongdae been pretty quiet for a while  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : no what i’m here

_private chat: alexa play AITAI TAI and alexa play DKDK_

**alexa play AITAI TAI** : CHAUEOL IM KITERALLY FOING TO FUCKING DIE ON ASD  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : what why  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : BAEKS ASD IS GONNA FUCKING KILL ME  
DO YOU REMEMEBR THE ONE FROM LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO  
I ACTUALLED DIED HES SO FUCJNG EBAIFIFUUL  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : you guys r gross but idk what you want me to do  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : idk i just wanted to rant OK THANKS  
wait did you expose me in the main chat  
CHANYEOL

_twinkle toe thots_

 

**alexa play anpanman** :  
“different shades of silver but we’re both still rocking it“

#ARMYSelcaDay

  
ok babes i posted it, go like and rt or else our mutual is at stake uwu

**alexa play DKDK** : OMG WIG... WHICH ONE IS THE IDOL AND WHCIH ONE IS THE FAN AGAIn?????  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : baekhyun not to exaggerate or anything but ur literally the most beautiful person i’ve laid eyes on  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : h  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : .  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : LMFAO JONGDAE GLITCHED  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : NO i JUSt uh.. umm.... uH..,  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : SHUT IP I GIYS R TOO NICE  
FHDJSJDHFJ JIMIN SWEEITE IM SO SORRY  
WTF I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH!!!!! HDJDJDHF OH MY GOD THE LOMLS RIGHT HERE  
YOU GUYS R AMAZING ILYYY TO DEATH  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : its what you deserve baekhyun U R BEAUTIFUL!!!!  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : YEAH!!   
  
**alexa play anpanman** : wheres jongdae?  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : WHAT yes hi i’m here  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : do you not like it :(  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : WHAT TJE FUCK NO it LOOKS GREAT!!! THE  


_private chat: alexa play AITAI TAI and alexa play DKDK_  


**alexa play AITAI TAI** : CHANEYOL... HE.. HIM.. THE ..!!!!!  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : i know  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : WHAT AM I SUPPSOED TO DO I WANT TO KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK AND THEN DIE MAYBE  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : idk maybe u should tell him  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : no wtf  
  
**alexa play DKDK** :   
  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : HFKDKDJDHD WHAT  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : nvm this is none of my business  
better get back to the gc if u don’t want to seem suspicious  
dr seuss tease damn

 

_twinkle toe thots_

 

**alexa play anpanman** : oh ok. thanks  <3  
  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : yes ur welcome  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : hmmm

**alexa play DKDK** : HMMM…..

  
**alexa play AITAI TAI** : WHAT THE UCK DO YOU GUYS WANT  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : nvm anyways baekhyun ur selca day better blow up or else i’m going suing bighit  
  
**alexa play DKDK** :

**alexa play anpanman** : GHDJDKDJDJ GUYS

OK IM GONNA GO EAT!! I LOB U ALL TO DETAH UWU

**alexa play DKDK** : LOVE U BOO

**alexa play #OurPage** : have fun eating!!

_private chat: alexa play anpanman and alexa play DKDK_

**alexa play anpanman** : i don’t think jd liked my selca day:(  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : i thought u were eating  
also no worries he fucjing loves it lol

**alexa play anpanman** : his reaction in the chat says otherwise :(  
cmon chanyeol don’t lie to me just to make me feel better  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : ...ok

**alexa play anpanman** : I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : nvm then  
you’ll figure it out eventually  
ok have fun eating  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : THOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the missing gif is the one where joshua looks at this dude like “girl... no”
> 
> also no hate to jimin or his voice it’s lovely


	3. oof

_twinkle toe thots_  
****

**alexa play anpanman** : hey guys this is for science who’s the most attractive member of bts  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : jin isn’t this obvious  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : idk i’ve always thought it was tae  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : foolish  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : what about u jd  
hello  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : hes alseep it’s like 4 am  
why did u need him  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : no i just wanted to see  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : lol ok  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : WHAT

_private chat: alexa play #OurPage and alexa play DKDK_  
  
****

**alexa play DKDK** : lmao that was sketchy as fuck  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : yeah it was lmao  
hey i have a question  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : yes what is it u know i’m always here for u  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : lol gay  
anyways i was thinking of doing shawol selca day should i do it  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : !!! yes u are amazing talented beautiful  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : hdjdjsjdj thanks  
but  
u know i’m like  
kinda  
~shy~  
about my face  
so  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : NO!!! YOU SHOUKD GO FOR IT U ARE THE MSOR EBAUTIFULEST PERSON EVER AND TAEMJN IS LUCKY TO HAVE U !!!  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : hdjdkddj i guess  
thank u chanyeol  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : NP!!!!n

_twinkle toe thots_  
  
****

**mcdaenalds** : omg baekhyun sorry i was asleep  
ummm  
idk his name but the one with the smile he’s so cute *~*  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : good choice thank you  
wait wtf happenned to ur name  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : that was really suspiciously fast  
also yeah wtf were supposed to be a squad  
  
**mcdaenalds** : no it got lame sorry  
  
**alexa play anpanman** :  >:(  
  
**mcdaenalds** :

  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : hfjdksjdjds  
  
**mcdaenalds** : ok bye i’m gonna go to class  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : bye  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : whipped  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : wtf

_private chat: alexa play anpanman and alexa play DKDK_  
  
****

**alexa play anpanman** : CNAYEOL HE LIKES HOBI  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : .. ok and  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : do u think my smile is up to par  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : idk send a pic  
  
**alexa play anpanman** :   
  
**alexa play DKDK** : christ no ur smile is not up to par  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : thank u so much  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : djdkdkdv i’m just kidding  
u shouldn’t worry about it  
u are u and the guy is himself  
u know  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : thatwas literally worded the worst possible way but thank u  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : np  
did u ask that question just so u could figure out what he liked on a guy lol  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : no  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : lamo ok  
anyways  
kyungsoo is posting his shawol selca day soon  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : REALLY!!!!!  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : yes but don’t tell him i told u  
i’m really nervous  
i think i’m gonna confess  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : omg finally  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : shut up ur not one to talk  
but  
i came to ask for help  
how should i do it  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : why are you asking me i’ve literally never dated a person in my life  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : oh ur right  
well what sounds like a good idea  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : um i think  i should just let it happen , like whatever feels right  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : thank u that helped so much  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : WHAT ELSE DO U WANT ME TO SAY LIEK  
idk how else to put it  
just  
whatever feels natural  
u know  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : i guess  
do u think it would be too much if i made his face my pfp  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : yes  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : rats ok  
thank u baekk  
  
**alexa play anpanman** : ur welcom fag  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : 

_twinkle toe thots_  
  
****

**jimins cheeks** : hey guys like my new name  
  
**mcdaenalds** : no change it  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : ... which cheeks  
  
**jimins cheeks** : im going to pretend i didn’t see that kyungsoo  
why not :(  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : so are we just  
abandoning the group name thing noow  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : i suppose  
  
**baekgur king** : is that better  
  
**mcdaenalds** : yes :)  
  
**baekgur king** : omg i just had a good idea  
  
**alexa play #OurPage** : we should all change our names to fast food chains lol  
  
**baekgur king** : yes what i was going to say  
  
**soobway** : like this  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : omg kyungsoo ur a genius  
wait wrf am i  supposed to be  
  
**baekgur king** :

  
  
**mcdaenalds** : 

  
  
**baekgur king** : omg couple tease  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : GUYS IM SEIROUS THERES NOTHING FOR EME  
  
**soobway** : what about fag-fil-a  
  
**mcdaenalds** : HFKDDKFJDJ  
  
**baekgur king** : DHDJSKJFFJSKDJ KYUNGSKO  
  
**alexa play DKDK** : .kyugsoo i thot u were different  
  
**soobway** : ok  
  
**mcdaenalds** : KYUNGSOO WHY R U SO SAVAGE  
  
**soobway** : it comes naturally  
  
**yeoldy’s** : anyways i’m tired of the bullying so i went and changed my own name  
  
**baekgur king** : that doesn’t even flow  
  
**mcdaenalds** : thay makes no sense  
  
**yeoldy’s** : MAYBE I DIDNT ASK  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took 7 years to update  
> if u loved me u would listen to lonely nights by taeyeon  
> bye bye

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! i’ll update when i can uwu


End file.
